The Unreal

"Phew! nearly fell off the railing there! I've had better landings than that. Hey there Prattler. Got off work early?". Pesky was preening his feathers. He did not like them so ruffled and dirty after flying through the MG Road Traffic.

"Whats it that spews out of those coloured boxes with wheels...takes the sheen off my glossy wings...yuck! tastes like muck...What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing" I replied. It was amusing to think how a crow can be an interesting conversationalist. I wonder how someone would react if I told them this. Why bother I think. You dont either. It was a Monday evening 6:30 PM at Brigade road. The evening shoppers were just trailing in. I bought a burger and Coke from MacDonalds and was waiting for my pesky little friend Pesky.

"With you, its always 'nothing'. What is that you are having?"

"Mc Chicken"

"Yeah! and I am Mc Pesky. Since when did chicken start getting names..(peck peck)...hmm ..its yummy. So whats (chomp chomp) up with you (chomp chomp)...you have some more mayo?"

"I hate mayo"

"Why what did mayo do to you? Hey gimme some of that drink"

People look at me for an instant and go. Its not often they see a guy conversing all by himself and a crow sipping the coke, I guess. I stare back at them, they leave.

"Dont bother" Pesky said

"What?" Pesky reads my mind better than I can.

"With them...let them have a good time(chomp chomp)...spending their money. Its their way of feeling they've achieved something, that they own something they deserve"

"Why?" I ask.

"Okay. That's you alright. Answering in mono syallables. The question 'why' my friend, is one which is best left unanswered. Search for the why's never end. Just go with the flow. Live as they live. With a plastic smile, in a made up reality"

A crows perspective, I think. Their lifes so simple. Everything revolves around filling their stomach and at times, reproducing. As a part of nature, humans are also expected to do just that. Only somewhere along the evolutionary path things got a little more complicated. Blame it on the fire and the wheels

Something within me blurts out "Its useless - all these. Its surely made up. My lifes not mine anymore"

"You are not alone." Pesky takes the last gulp of the coke. "Look at them. Do you think that their life is theirs. Ha! they are honest to themselves? See that guy getting into the Levi's showroom there? You think hes buying something because he wants to look good for himself or because he wants others to perceive him to be well dressed...whats wrong with the clothes hes wearing?. Or see that girl with a skimpy skirt there? Why is she so promiscuous? Does she want eyes to ogle at her either out of admiration for her sense of courage or for her beauty? If its courage, why does she wear clothes at all? If its beauty, well, why does she wear clothes at all? You see, people's lives are not theirs anymore. We all live for others, to pacify others, to delight others, to hurt others, to love others . You think you watch a movie for your own pleasure. You come out of a movie theatre, what do you feel you accomplished by that? Whats pleasure? Except for the fact that now you can make a judgement for others whether they need to watch it or not. You see, every thing you do is with a belief that you can influence others in some way. Theres no soul who lives for himself."

"But thats not what we have been taught." I retort. "Right from childhood, we have been taught that we can control our life, be what 'we' want, to follow our dreams, our ambitions. Only thing, in the name of altrusim help others along the way, take their advice, take their opinions, ' fit in' their surroundings, empathise with them, adjust. When did the second part start becoming more important than the first?"

"Ooops. Nearly fell off again. Damn! this railing is slippery. Hey Prattler, can I get some of those creamy little things in that funny conical shape?"

"Thats a softy"

"Whatever. Sure does look yummy"

"Ok hang on" I go and buy a softy.

"Hmmm, why do they call this a softy...why not creamy? well what the hell, ways of the humans are strange. So where were we?, ah, yes...second part...doing things for others became more important ever since mankind lost its sense of purpose. Ever since they started believing that 'how you want others think of you' is more important than 'how you can let others see you'. Tell me how many times have you laughed on a joke that was not funny? Just because everyone around you laughed. And you thought it would be rude to the person if you didnt. How many times have you done things that you did not feel like doing, but you did it because you did not want others to think ill of you, just to be 'in' the group? Everyone fakes their life. And that faking is becoming a reality. So that when reality strikes, it seems like an illusion. There, you've slept again"

"No. I did not. That does explain a lot of things. A decadence of the human spirit is what you are saying. That we can do a lot better by just being what we should and not worry about how we portray ourselves to others. Its difficult here."

"Show me a perfect man or a woman...in this imperfect world. A man who can be himself. True to his ideas, his purpose, himself. The one to whom nothing matters more than his own will. The one who knows his own will. An unblemished soul that has no hatred , no pain nor strife. Only compassion. Who does not care how others see him. But cares about how he sees others. A man who does not need to justify his existence. Who does not want the riches but wants to live life - on his terms and his way. Not to achieve anything but to enjoy the journey. A man who is courageous enough to work for his passion and considers his passion an art, makes it his work. The one for whom, the process of creating something is more important than the thing that is created. The one who thinks that the greatest thing that has been done, is yet to be done and that he can do it. The one who is courageous enough to change his opinions. The one who is courageous to accept that he lives for himself and not for others and even more courageous to live in that manner. That he has a selfish motive in making his art the best that it can become. Show me such a person...and I will point at him and proclaim him God."

Obama Yeah!

Caricatures out of thin memories

Traversing through the long jaunt of this existence
once canst avoid but make some acquaintance
few to your pleasure, most to your leisure; still others under pressure
circles of these acquantainces, one of which put forth in these verses
dont get this wrong, an attempt to draw portraits out of personalities

starting out with the feminine duo who introduced me to the battleground
one with a womanly grace, too hard to simulate
and the other with a kiddish elegance, that no other can emulate
a long haul year passed with their presence,
till they passed on in search of saner battlegrounds
Then there were the young lads of mettle
fighting the odds of growing against tyranny of heirarchy's
one had to be a martyr after three years of hard struggle
but he's away now in his own abode far away from these pastures
while the other is still fighting, set to achieve his 4 yonks of persistence
There were also the overseers, the trio expected to sail this through
but then was claimed one's future endeavours, leaving the other two in the wind
a mix of ruthless efficiency and placid effectiveness
thats what they bring in them and lead us through
Again there were these two warriors,
expectant of glories that their dreams had forseen
unbelieving yet continued for a distance
one fell to his ideologies, sought refuge in own's passions
other gripping to terms with it, seeks to find his own course
while a lady with gracious demeanour makes her way through
so does a vicious soldier confused and treacherous
and a square human with humility, too hard to locate
also an altercating egoist, too hard to placate
an eon of comradery, experiencing blissful fiesta
some going some arriving, i am a dispassionate observer
then came a barrage of people stretching these acquaintances
a confident young man of high ground and standing
toils along with us and at times made to lick the dust
a gentle soul also finds a place in this dilapidated battleground
so do a masquerading trio of faux expressions and otiose deliveries
among all a promiscuous lady shattering convictions of a womans grace
and a pettish explorer, too confused to accept his own fate
all these that travel along with us in our quest
to be the survivors where others have lost to better fires
its only a matter of time now that all of this
fade from being thin memories to hazy reminiscences

A Shot at Astrology

Theres a fine line between trying to predict the future and the possibility of aliens taking the trouble of invading our planet. That fine line is drawn by the Daily Horoscope which appears in your daily newspaper. I wonder what it takes to write a daily horoscope...or for that matter what it takes to read one. Is it the power that one feels to know they are in control ? Or know what would exactly manifest before themselves today? Or perhaps because it can be easily made into a conversation subject? The latter, I think, is the best motive.

I took the trouble of reading one today (Saturday, 4th October 2008, Bangalore Times - a supplement of The Times of India). Wow! what a revelation. My horoscope read as follows.
"Your interest in health and well being may lead you to a surprising new discovery" - Yes. It has dawned upon me that typing this post can be a good excercise to my fingers. Better still, that slapping my face after reading a statement such as this can be good for my gums as well.
"It may be a better idea to rest than to exercise too much" - Kind of a paradox to the above statement, but hey! thats my horoscope. Anyway, which moron thinks that its a better idea otherwise? I'm not going to slap myself more than once either.
"Continue to be dynamic. You have already scored the best possible" - Oops. Wrong there. I just tried my hand at the midtown madness race game and did my best lap....twice in a row.
"unexpected guests could drop by" - Like it takes a lot to say that. I had them yesterday, I'll have them tomorrow too.

I glanced across other signs as well. Enlightenment is an understatement. The sludge of generalities I read ... you can just club all the horoscopes for the month and write a self improvement book. I can hear the pitch of my laughter getting higher and higher with every statement . I'm not making this up...look it up yourself.
"Work with appropriate professionals" - Gemini (Ha)
"Your best ideas are ready for television" - Leo (Ha Ha)
"You can enjoy good time with good people" - Virgo (Ha Ha Ha)
"You may find yourself very appreciative of your career and practical skills" - Libra (Ha Ha Ho Ho)
"Colleagues may be too preoccupied with their own responsibilities" - Capricorn (Ha Ha Ho Ho He)
"Dont worry about how much effort you make" - Pisces (Ha Ha Ho Ho He He He ...ouch)

Now that I know what a horoscope is, I thought I'll try my hand at one. Let me know how accurate I am:
Aries: You will find yourself getting up at the usual time you get up. And you will find that you are late for work. The auto guy will ask you for 20 bucks over and above the meter. You will then realise that its a Saturday.
Taurus: The Manager will give you more work today. If not, dont ask for it. Lookout. A fly will drop in your soup. If you dont plan to have soup today, it will drop in anything else that you are going to have. Too bad if you are not a non-vegetarian.
Gemini: You will feel like you are a good for nothing soul. Fortunately for you, you know that now, others are just ignorant of it. This same statement will appear in someone else's sign tomorrow (Shhh...thats a secret)
Cancer: With a sign like that who wouldnt be morose? Pick up a crab and eat it. You will find yourself in the company of the most boring people on earth. I will not reveal which zodiac signs they belong to. Its written there that they will murder someone.
Leo: You will feel good about yourself today. Some call that egotism. But you can blame that on your horoscope. And don't worry about "them". Think as if you are the only person who exists in this world. Then you dont have the opportunity to compare yourself against anyone and can feel nothing but "good" about yourself.
Virgo: You will itch yourself to death today. That itching would be caused by you reading this post and thinking about whats written here, even for a millisecond. Too late now. Let me know what needs to be put up as an epitaph.
Libra: You would be wondering how different your life would be today if you were born a month earlier or later. I'll tell you - you would be a month older or younger. One other thing will change. Your zodiac sign would be either a flower holding bitch or a stinging stinking 8 legged, two clawed, one tailed creature.
Scorpio: Its a bad bad day for you if you are a scorpio. I'll not tell you how bad. But its so bad, so bad, that you would think nothing would be worse than this. And then you will realise something. It just got worse. Ok, I'm just kidding.
Sagittarius: You will meet your "Mr. Right" or "Ms. Right" today. Unfortunately, that Mr. Right or Ms. Right belongs to a different zodiac sign and he/she wouldnt know anything about this. So just hug every person that you will meet today and feel good about it.
Capricorn: Your love life will also go through ups and downs. Thats right, you will be taking a trek soon. So you can just avoid these ups and downs by sitting at home and watching a movie. Have you seen The Dark Knight?
Aquarius: There will be 24 hours in the day for you today. Most of which you will spend doing stuff that you pretty much don't care about. Rest of the time you will be sleeping. I'll just cut it short and say that it will be the most useful day of your life.
Pisces: You will find yourself swearing under your breath. For what? You should be knowing better. You can't expect an horoscope to know what you feel like every moment of your life! Oh sorry, thats right, thats what a horoscope is for. I forget.

I am the next Linda Goodman (she's a woman by the way...no predictions there). If I am writing a horoscope, it must be true. Hmm..what should I call myself....Nostradamus sounds to archaic.

Anticipation

It is with a wary mind and an expectant heart that the following mentations took place:

Anticipation
The winds of change have set out to blow,
tease out your roots and prepare to flow,
wings unfolded, rearing to glide,
but why are thine afraid to fly,
this change is naught but thy own bidding,
embarking on your noble quest to begin the end of all suffering.

All that I seek are answers to questions
those that i dare not ask, weed out apprehensions
things like why we do what we keep doing
and why do we tread the path we keep treading
answers to weave around my mind that spindle of serenity
and restore in me the stolen, brittle, human dignity

Neither with a view to leave this world
Nor with the view to blend in it
I seek to find a midway one bit by one bit,
That path is not what is sought very often
prying to intrude the elusive happiness's bosom
a fortnight to change is what I pin my hopes on
anxious to the core, I hope I am not proven wrong

Steering Aimless

My mind's in a frenzy now. Thanks to a discussion on whether or not we have control over our lives. The pessimistic that I am, I naturally believe that we have no control over our lives...shit happens...and destiny makes sure you are always present when it does. But what struck me most from the conversation was a simple question - "Why do we do what we do if we think that we have no control over our lives?" Thinking about this has put my mind in a hurricane of thoughts and emotions over the past few days. I have no answer to this. But I hope to find out.


Some thoughts which came out from this over the past few days:

Steering Aimless
What do you go seeking, oh vagabond
every night and day, end up being forlorn

steering mindlessly toward those dreams and aims
not a soul knows where , not even your own self
"you command your destiny" you always proclaim
all illusions to gratify the spirit, satisfy oneself

the soul that requires that little nudge
to believe in reaching goals which on lifes canvas it has smudged
to divert it from the abyss of utter impuissance
and bring into your world a dash of luminescence

but take heed, thats not what reality is
and thats not what life means
because if you say you can control your own life
there would not be a sorrowed soul, pain, hate and strife ...

I am at the threshold of that abyss. Peering down on that what has gone by...

This post is dedicated to the person who sparked this off in my mind and giving me some thing to ponder over. Perhaps someday the answers will come. ..

Yerraguntla "Y"escapades

Approximately 3 months of my life have been spent in this small village sits in the centre of India's limestone belt and which supposedly spews the highest amount of South India's cement production. Why did I not hear of this before I joined my company, I think! And my mind replies "Coz, you fool ,you were busy dreaming about some plush jobs at Nariman Point rather than ticking vouchers at some godforsaken place, the name of which you need to read atleast twice before trying to pronounce it. And if you had probably stopped this day dreaming you would probably not have to try pronouncing this name in your life - EVER!!! "...OK I GET THE POINT!!!

Excitement in such places is hard to find, specially when all you can see around is stunted vegetation, cement trucks, mammoth drab structures (cement plants), Reddy's, Babu's, Suspended Particulated Matter (You can really see them...really!!!! - one of the most profound discoveries of my life!) .

Recounting the stay is nothing short of the feeling that one gets when one recounts the horrors of their life. But for the sake of your reading pleasures, I will nevertheless recount it. (I am selfless, aint I?). Even though the people there tried to make our stay feel as comfortable as possible, for lazy lumps like us who accustomed to the luxuries which we indulge in without battering an eyelid, we find these visits nothing less than an ordeal. Here are some of the memoirs of the visit:
Watching Television: Luxuries at Yerraguntla do not get better than this. 15 odd channels on television and majority of them in a language that seem nothing but a combination of a weird sounds by twitching the mouth and twisting the tongue. What we are left with is one sports channel,an english movie channel, one educational channel and the other... some "Saas-bahu" kind of channel. Luckily, this time there was the IPL to keep us hooked onto one of the channels, otherwise I could have brought you the family tree of one of the "parivaars"

Sunbathing: Ample of it here. Having to endure a 40 degree temperature, a AC that can crack up anytime (and that after we have relaxed in a constant 20degree Bangalore weather). Add to it the spicy food and there you go - the Devil himself can feel at home here. Five minutes of exposure to the blistering sun and you can get a perfectly tanned body. Any longer and one could mistake you for a lump of coal or for that matter, - a shadow. Which leads me think thats probably why I got muted responses from many of the process owners - They must have thought it was just my shadow that was lingering there.

Meeting Process Owners: I have never had to excercise my grey cells as much I have done here in trying to remember the process owners names. Its not big of task when you consider that most of their names can just be remembered as a Mr Reddy or a Mr Babu. Problem arises when you speak to two such Reddys together or you are talking about when one Reddy to another reddy. Statements like " we just met Mr Reddy and also met ..Mr. ...errrr....Reddy who suggested that we go meet you. They told us that Mr. Reddy & Mr err... Reddy who had earlier handled this have left and its now handled by you...Mr....errr.. Reddy." seem a tad confusing and an open invitation for a kick on my butt.

Wildlife: Every step taken at Yerraguntla (more precisely the township of the company I went to audit) will make up for one whole documentary for Discovery Channel. I'm quite sure I must have identified atleast 20 new species there (and thats excluding the Reddys and the Babus). The feeling that I get must be close to what Adam must have felt when he opened his eyes to the Garden of Eden. More like "Whoalla! so many things to name". Only thing different is that there are not a lot of "eve's" worth noting. But there are serpents. :) (perhaps searching for eve's just like us). They visited my team as well (as if our company's gonna send some Eves there...pretty long shot). A picture of it is below.

Too far?..Yeah I know...but I bet that if you would have seen it there youd be miles away in a jiffy.

Caretaker: One thing that the company seems to import seemingly easily is the Nepali caretakers and security personnel. A telugu speaking Nepali can form quite an attraction for the tourists. I wonder if the tourism department has thought about this before? Nevertheless, our caretaker was an interesting source of township gossip. So much to the extent that he used to look forward to our dinner time when he could pounce upon us with some new gossip. And if he was high on a glass of beer (seriously...that was what it took) we could get a little too much of the gossip than we had bargained for. Nevertheless, he had an impressive resume ...over 12 years of work ex, most of it as a security guard (one of them in a brewery company) and some of it as a cook at Pizza hut!

Speaking of Pizza's, my dinners waiting for me...I need to munch on some mutton. Will be back with some more!!

Reflections on the first half of 2008

Its July and I thought I should reflect back into the year gone by, on my accomplishments (few and far between), the non-accomplishments (dont need to think too much on that), the interesting and the not-so interesting stuff that has happened. 6 1/2 months have gone by and I find that I stand in the same position as I was then, only half a year older (and hopefully, saner)

Among the dull things that keep happening in my life its worth mentioning 5 in all that may have the tendency to shape my life in the future. Future - because I dont see them having any impact on me till now. So here they are:

1. My promotion: Yess!! I got promoted this year :) The elation however stopped, when I realised that I will have to do twice the work in half the time for a quarter of an increase pay and a five fold increase in tension. The math doesn't add up, does it? And all that when you consider just a "Senior" being tagged in front of my designation. 5 months into the role now and you can see how it has affected you - a lot less postings than before. And how it will impact the future? - my balding head will answer to that.

2. Passing my CIA Examinations: I had given it in 2007 but the results came in 2008. So I guess, it qualifies as a point here. I am still not sure how this will impact me in the future. But it has an interesting touch of humour to it, one which I use well to my advantage. People (not from my fraternity of auditors) look at me with reverance when I tell them that I am a CIA - they think that I have a fancy job with the Central Intelligence Agency of the US of A. To add some spice, I tell them I am on a secret mission and not to contact me for a couple of months - Gives me some peaceful moments. Yes, I can now see how that will affect my future. By the way for all those dumb morons, CIA stands for Certified Internal Auditor. Ha-ha!

3. Completing 3 years of my work-ex: Looks impressive on my resume. 3 years of doing the same kind of work. I have not updated the latter 1.5 years in Naukri.com or Monster.com but I can imagine the number of calls I will get from all the HR consultants just to ask me - "How the hell did you manage to the same kind of boring work for all these three years!". I am still thinking of an answer to that - and thats how it will impact my future - I have to spend time ( a lot of time) in deciding what to answer to that. "Why am I doing the same work for three years!!?" Never really thought about it before

4. Failing my driving licence test: This one, I would like to forget easily. 8 has never been my lucky number and thats what cost me my two wheeler licence too. Why did the RTO select only 8 - couldnt they use any other number? perhaps a 7 or maybe a 1. Humph! The only crown in the cap (if you can call it that) was that I got my second four wheeler licence in the process. You can imagine how it will impact my life in the future...I still have to rely on the stupid Bangalore auto drivers to drop me off to work and my home.

5. Marriage proposals: I got informed of the first of the serious candidates in my Mom's opinion a few weeks back , one which I had to deftly fend off for the time being. I have a feeling this will turn out to be a regular affair now. I need to practice my skills of hiding behind curtains, underneath my bed, being out on weekends - anything that can avoid me in getting into a situation where I have to answer to any of it. So if you see me dangling from balcony or running out of my house like a freak, you can be rest assured that my Mom has come up with some more of her proposals.

This was just a mid year review. I will be back with the annual report by the year-end. If I dont, you know that one of the above 5 things has kept me busy.

Exclusive Preview - Continued

For a revision on habits 1-3 visit http://rummagingcontemplations.blogspot.com/2008/03/exclusive-preview-of-my-new-book.html

Ok, I've watched so much TV that my eyes have begun to swell, I have slept so much that my eyes have begun to swell and I have thrown so many rocks at passers by that my eyes have begun to swell (Damn, I did not know that they had a good aim too). Now I see my personal mission of "lethargium infinitum" my more cleary. Thats the key then - swollen eyes. You can call me the enlightened one.

So, I thought I can continue to share my personal experiences with you so that you can atleast start on them.

Habit 4: Think Win-Win
What we live for is to make life more difficult for others - so that ours seems easier - George Idiot

This is called as the habit of mutual benefit - more correctly put - it is the habit of making others feel that it is benefitial for them. So when want to say "I choose to laze", you should also add to that "So that you can have some peace" or "So that you wont get disturbed" or "So that you can continue doing whatever you were doing without me being there to spoil your experience".

A win-win person would say "Lets find a solution that works for both of us in such a manner that I can laze and you feel happy that you have given me that time to laze". As against a win-lose person who would say "I will laze and if you disturb me I will beat your head into a pulp"

There are other kinds of people too such as :
1. Lose-win: I never get to laze because you always smash my head into a pulp
2. Lose-Lose: If you beat my head into a pulp, Ill beat yours too - and no one gets to laze
3. Win: I will beat every single person on this planets head to a pulp and then laze
4. Win-win or No deal: Lets both laze after smashing each others head into a pulp.

Habit 5: Seek first to understand and then be understood
Theres a native american proverb that said "Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf". This was how probably how the native americans lived until the English arrived on their shores and said "From now on, you will listen with your ears".

This habit is called as the habit of mutual understanding. Listen with an intent to understand. In other words "Close your eyes, as if it seems to others that you are listening and then doze off". After some time get up, if the person is still in front of you just say to him/her "I think I have almost understood, let me finish it off" and doze off again. If the person is still there the next time you wake up, visit your psychiatrist - you are seeing things that you are'nt supposed to see.
So I hope you have understood what I have said. If not, you need to listen empathically. Ampitheatre?...No..."Empathic". Now what would that be? Perhaps I need to go seek to understand it all over again. The key takeaway here is that you need to replace "you" and "we" instead of "I". Thus, instead of saying "I choose to watch some television", you can say - "'You' can reduce your blabbering a bit so that 'we' can see some television."

Habit 7: Synergise
Which means that "Together we can create a better way, a higher way". Which is a slogan made just for the Bangalore Road development authorities. So you dont have to worry about this habit unless you are anyway associated with the bangalore road construction work. And if you are,.... "Damn you #&$%^#!!!"

This is also called as the habit of creative co-operation, which means that you will have to get admitted to the hospital and famous artists will operate on you. And as you are being operated upon, you can see in your dreams the countless underpasses you have littered in Bangalore. What is also important here is that you need to create new ideas, a third alternative. And this probably the reason why I dont see any work happening on the Bangalore metro - everyones happy building underpasses (which is by the way, the last alternative).

After you are well versed with these three habits, you achieve what you call as a "Public Victory". Aliens lost this time.

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
Using the "third alternative" principle you can skew this habit to say "Sharpen your knife, sickle, dagger or sword" and if you cant find anything else, you can sharpen your pencil. Why? so that you can keep it under your pillow and if someone comes near you to disturb your dreams, you can just say to them "I have a knife/ sickle/ Dagger under my pillow" and just for the effect say "I just sharpened it". If need be, show it to them. And watch their faces turn pale.

You will have to be more careful if you are using a pencil. Coz, when you are going to show them the pencil, they are bound to start laughing. And just when you see that coming, in one swift motion swing the pencil and poke them with it. - The effect will be good if you have a sufficiently sharpened pencil.

Well! that then is the gist of what my book's all about. It will be a 1000 page book with key points explained with the help of visual displays. About 990 pages of them will consist of such visual stuff - circles, more circles, circles inside circles, big rocks, native americans throwing those big rocks, dug up bangalore roads, underpasses, my sharpened pencils etc. I'm thinking of putting all these up on a LCD screen inside the book - It will look cool. I'll see you then at next years booker prize awards ceremony. So long!

Disclaimer: Every person depicted in the above post, living or dead, is purely fictional (except few). Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental (specially the dead ones).

Exclusive preview of my new book

Last week I had an opportunity to attend the highly publicised training on Seven habits of highly effective people. I could have settled for a training on "Habits of highly successful people" or "How to become a millionaire in 10 seconds" or "How to screw your blog-reading friends and make some money at the same time" - but then I stopped attending fantasy trainings ever since I found out that the trainers were imported from the American-Society of -Psychics. (ASS in short and remember P is silent) I am a pucca swadeshi.

And at the end of this training I find that I am a changed man - it completely changed my perception of how authors can make zillions by writing one good book. Which is why I have decided I would be starting my own book - "The seven habits of highly lethargic people." by Sathvik Nishanth (GGSS, GLYSM , DAMWTSF , EAOD(hons)) - you will not get a more qualified person to write on this subject.

You can consider yourself lucky to have an exclusive preview of what my book will be about. But thats about all you will get - because when I start earning millions and millions from the sales of my book - dont expect even a penny from it. Well, if not millions, i can settle for atleast thousands - provided they are in US dollars.

Here's the gist of what my book will be about, which can, suprisingly be summarised in Seven paragraphs - talk about Seven being the perfect number (which is why I think it was built into my first name).

Habit 1: Be proactive
If you are among the ones who thought that this had something to do with some high-end nuclear technology, join the club. Lethargy cannot be acheived without being proactive . The first step for this is to use proactive language such as "I choose to sleep", " I control my own fantasies", "I can prefer to be active, happy and helpful but i choose not to". There are two important circles here which you will have to draw on a peice of paper and be happy about - One is the circle of affluence (dreaming about being wealthy) and the other is the circle of you-can-name-it-what-you-want (dreaming about whatever you want). And what to do with these circles? Well you can either "choose" to crumple the paper and practice your aim of throwing it at people or you can "choose" to throw the pen. Either way its your choice and dont name me if someone sues you.

This habit can be summarised as follows: "Between the stimulus and the response, there is a Gap, and in that Gap lies the power to choose - whether you want to buy it or not" - GAP is very expensive. Let me know if theres a sale somewhere.

Habit 2 - Begin with an end in mind.
Well this is difficult if there are voices in your head telling you stuff you dont want to hear about. But if you concenterate a little less harder, it should be an easy task. This is called the habit of revision. Essentially what this habit says is that you have to imagine stuff in your head and then you can act on it. But remember "you can always choose not to" which is the primary aim of my book by the way. You should remember to have a personal mission statement. For creating one - you need to go to a secluded place and doze off for a while. When you do this about twenty times, you will realise that your personal mission statement can be something like "Go to a secluded place and doze off". Also here you need to have a few roles decided. I dont know what roles mean because, I guess I dozed off that time. I think its some thing where you put some mutton masala in a long bread, but I'm not so sure.

Habit 3; Put First things first
Things which matter most can effectively be done by other people while you can concenterate on something called Quadrant 4. It is some kind of shiny jewel I believe, or .... was that quartz? Anyway, the most important thing in here is that you need to plan weekly. (remember, you can always choose "not to") Keep the saturday and sunday off that list! - you cannot plan lethargy on inherently lethargic days. You can start off by throwing off some of the Big rocks (the really important stuff - Duh! ) from your couch first and then sitting on it and watching some TV. If its still uncomfortable, remove the smaller ones. Watch some more TV. Then you can practice throwing the big rocks on the passers-by below your building. I will also bet you that you cannot break that car's window by a mere rock. I don't know you in case you manage to do that. Remember that you have to link your weekly plans to your mission statement and roles. So you can just doze of while you are doing the planning.

-------INTERVAL--------
After you practice the first three habits, you achieve what is known as private victory. Who lost? - Hell, they did not tell us that!!

There are four more habits remaining. But I think I will get some big rocks of my couch first and watch some TV and then get closer to my personal mission. Hey! dont blame me - If I dont do that you will all shout "He does'nt practice what he preaches"

My next post will update you on the balance 4 habits - but its not on my this weeks plan or the next weeks.

Its all a big lie

These verses borders on the realm of questions that I never try to seek an answer for. Why? Read and find out...

A few months back I had explored the concept of the Seven Deadly Sins. (http://rummagingcontemplations.blogspot.com/2007/06/sins-experiment.html) Reading this again I am compelled to think whether we can avoid these in anyway. The only way to look at this is from the kaleidoscope of the seven holy virtues. And the result is what follows...

Its all a Big Lie
That charity can make you clean,
there are many who profess
A noble deed, to aid a friend in need,
many still confess
but what if its a veil
used by umpteen imposters sly
and make a killing at your cost?
No way,I say - its all a big lie

Practice temperance! avoid excesses!!
- hear it again and again?
Its a tough ask, a mighty task,
to keep your end of the bargain
but then "you arrive empty handed,
and depart empty handed" - words flow by
so what if you indulge to empty your hands?
I must say its all a big lie

Chasticity claims it ascends you
to your "spiritual wholeness"
you can try, strain and strive,
let your desires arrest
one day it'll all come fore,
you'll have to let go,
can't turn a blind eye
so what if someday you gratify?
I'll have to say its all a big lie

Diligence as a defence,
decisive as you survive -
how hard can it be
inculcate and imbibe,
you'll finally ascribe -
its being a lil foolhardy
how long can you prolong,
drag your tired body around -
its needs you defy
sometimes I just feel lazy, so cant I just laze?
Yes - I claim -Its all a big lie

Patience, endurance, a must to success,
add to it forbearance
maybe blend along tolerance,
but take no offence
it seems all just a pretense
time's slow to those who wait,
before you know irates -
as life just whisks by
grab opportunities as they come by,
why shouldn't I ?
maybe its all a big lie

Long we've been educated,
"no act of kindness, even small, is ever wasted"
compassion is buddha,
prejudice, the hidden judah,
now all corrupted
cant lend what I do not possess,
how can I express -
as I just squeeze by
cant I get my comforts before I see others'?
I have to cry - Its all a big lie

To engage in humility,
transends you into sanctity -
extols every soul
modestness appearance,
selflessness in every sense -
too much to control
but here you have to prevail,
put your name up for sale -
make hue and cry
So what if I want to get noticed a little ?
Oh! Its all a big big lie

Seven virtues -counter the seven sins,
inflicted with lethal scare
these pursuits will bestow glory
mightily they declare
promised heavenly pastures ,
your eternal rest and life after you die
all fluff upon us they engulf
who's to say its not all a BIG LIE ??